Fixers? Nah! Our cricketers are innovative marketers

Galileo faced the wrath of the world when he said that the earth went around the sun and not the other way around. Sreesanth (and some others) tried to usher in something equally revolutionary, and is now in a spot.

Time will fix the doubters eventually. For now, they have only slowed down the inevitable revolution.

I got this straight from them. I did not tap phones. There is nothing to hide. They have all been doing it in the open.

Bats, stumps and clothes are all taken. So are the ground, the fence and the screens. Why the progress of the game should stop, wondered the intelligent among our cricketers, who are still playing and not dancing in studios. Why not a new marketing route?

So they thought up this plan. It is staggering in its simplicity. They call it Slomar.

Slow motion replays capture every significant event in the course of a match. Close-ups catch mannerisms, expressions and emotions. These are all Slomar opportunities.

Most we missed because we got lost in irrelevant details like winning and losing. Some we saw but didn’t know as Slomar. Now you can have a glimpse.

Zoom in on Slomar

Bravo bowls. The ball kicks up, misses the bat and hits Pollard, well, there. Slow motion showed us exactly where.

If Slomar were in place, this is the script of what would have appeared on your TV screen during the second replay.

Script of imaginary Pollard adHave you seen what Kohli often does before he faces the ball? He fixes the right thumb on the chin of his helmet and then runs the fingers across his face in a circular motion, like a wiper. Harmless mannerism; cute even.

This is how Slomar would use the opportunity.

Script of imaginary Kohli adBrief adjustments

Talking of mannerisms, the manufacturer of a famous brand of men’s briefs has been chasing Sachin. Before he takes his guard, Sachin has this habit of crouching a little, spreading his legs and making a few delicate adjustments.

This manufacturer wants to suggest that if you wear his brand of well-fitting briefs, you will not need to make such frequent adjustments.

He wants to show the batsman nonchalantly waiting at the crease, not bothering to take guard and swatting the ball away for a six, with a single hand, that too. After this, X-ray vision of Hawkeye shows that the batsman is wearing the promoted brief—the logo is unmistakable.

Word went around about the reluctance of the great player to push the brief, despite the big money the manufacturer was offering. Many lesser cricketers dropped more than a hint, but the manufacturer will not have anything less than prime property.

Cricketer loses pants while throwingPlay ball

Sammy is very enthusiastic about Slomar. Following the birth of his child, he wants to take up some public service advertising through Slomar. We have all seen him trying to promote breastfeeding.

Sammy pretending to hold a child in handHe wanted realistic props, but the ICC law allows only the cricket ball in play. It is the same law that bans streaking.

Billy, though not a player, has been keen to pitch in. He almost landed a search engine that has a logo shaped like a question mark.

Umpire's hand signalling out with a crooked fingerThat is out. However, he is also trying to break into the marketing plans of a dance academy.

Composite image of umpire Billy making funny gesturesComing back to Sreesanth, the story is that he was promoting a new line of towels and napkins. He got into trouble when he took the line for their beach towels (“Let us hang out”) literally, and let the napkin hang out.

The truth will be out once BCCI makes Slomar official. You don’t believe that? Then you must also think Galileo’s head needs fixing.

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3 thoughts on “Fixers? Nah! Our cricketers are innovative marketers”

  1. I was not fully into this spotfixing thing…. now I am. Your post brings clarity. You serious about BCCI? No, you couldn;t be!

    I do think the IPL circus is spinning more and more out of control. I followed it very very closely in the first season and thereafter, the crass commercialisation, the whole hoopla was a major turn off for me. Maybe, I’d be better off with Galileo!

    Thank you for clearing up my fundas on this.

    Have a good weekend!

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