I see that cow every morning lying in the middle of the road. Last morning, I found myself right next to the cow. I was trapped in my car that was not going anywhere in the traffic snarl. That was when the cow thought to me.
“You are a writer, aren’t you?” Its jaw was moving but did not suggest speech.
“Yes, it is me. And I am talking to you.” Now the cow moved its massive head and looked straight at me.
What! I turned down the radio.
“As if that is going to make a difference.” Do cows chuckle?
You are actually projecting your thoughts and you are actually reading my mind?
“Yes, I am actually actually doing all that. Do you really have to state the obvious? The traffic will move in 20 minutes. Are you going to sit there and gape at me? Or will you at least attempt an intelligent conversation?”
I closed my mouth. Yes, of course! Why are you here? I mean here, every morning?
“Sigh! Is that the best you can do for an opener? I have been lying here day after day trying to talk to one of you. Well, I connected with you. Maybe you are more bovine than the rest. Not much, but I am willing to work with what little I get.”
Is that a compliment?
“Manshit! What else?”
You mean bullshit?
“Bull or cow, you make good use of our shit, don’t you. Burn, feed plants and all that. Your shit? It is just that. Stinking, toxic manshit! And you dump it anywhere and everywhere.”
Can we change the topic? If you are so smart, why are you adding to the traffic mess? Why not rest somewhere else? Maybe your cattle shed.
“Getting chatty, are we? Let me start with the cattle shed. You want me in the shed only when you want to milk me. After that you just let me loose to eat plastic from your garbage. Say, did you have your garbage milk with breakfast?”
No! Not yours. My milk is branded. Comes in a sealed bag. Famous dairy.
“O, branded garbage! That too sealed in no less than a plastic bag. You have a thick head and a thick skin.”
You are calling me thick-skinned? You?
“Every day I lie here, right in the middle of your road. Every other day, I cause an accident. You yell at one another. You make your cars yell. But do you even try to move me?”
That is not my job. Do I try to reach office on time or stop to move stupid cows?
“Stupid? See the fleas on my skin? Parasites! Sucks my blood. I can’t help it. But you? You elect the fleas that suck you. And you don’t even bother to flick them off. Would have made no difference, even if you had a tail.”
Why do you keep changing topics so fast? You are supposed to chew the cud at leisure.
“Sarcasm? If you were capable of ruminating, your home wouldn’t be in this condition.”
Home? You mean earth? Say, are you from a different planet?
“Never mind that. Just mind your planet. You don’t have much time.”
Extra-terrestrial warning. Is that what this is?
“My brothers and I have been lying on various roads trying to warn you. I got you. But I don’t think I got through. Well, what has to happen ….”
The cow laboriously got up and started moving away. Stop, wait! Let me take a photo.
“Click my rump.”